Custody - 5 Lessons I Learned From A Custody Battle Over My Child

When a marriage breaks up, often a battle starts, when my marriage broke up I wish someone had written this article for me to read. I hope you find it very helpful. Your child is not a piece of furniture Hearts are torn apart and unforgiveness rules in the hearts of every couple that separate and move toward divorce. In my case their were no assets to split up, all I knew was I was a father and I wanted equal custody of my child. But going to lawyers and courts to fight over a child like a piece of furniture is simply not the right thing to do. Sure you can spilt the assets, the house the cars, all of the assets but a child has two arms and it really hurts a child when one parent is pulling on each of his arms in an emotional tug of war. Better just to let your wife have her way. Your child can feel the tension At four years of age my wife was treating me really bad. I was just a few weeks from my first nervous breakdown and the onset of my mental illness. My son was being used as a messenger between two silly adults that were intent on hurting each other. One day my son let me know as I made a move not to fight or react to what my wife had done, saying "You're the winner dad!" ,Our children feel the tension. Elijah house ministries has an excellent DVD on the damage that can be done to young children even from within the womb. It had me in tears. If an unborn baby can make life affecting decisions in the womb, what more our children. When my wife finally re- married and said I could not see my son anymore, I backed away silently and did not fight for my right. It's been eight years now since I have seen my son and this year he turns sixteen. Who knows if he types in my full name in Google he might be able to read my articles years before he meets me. Don't give you child tension. If you're hurting the child's parent your hurting the child, One day when my child Brandyn was eight years of age I had finally had enough of what his mother was doing to me and I told him I was going to get her back. My son started to cry and as I saw him cry I asked urgently what was the matter. "I know mum hurts you dad. But you can't hurt my mum. She's my mum," he said as another tear tricked down his cheek. We as adults act as children. Fighting and fighting. One of us need to grow up and turn the other cheek and forgive. The child needs to know that even if you don't live with their parent that you still love them and respect them. You have already broken a child's heart when you separated and divorced, don't add to it by attacking your former spouse. If you want joint custody make sure you contribute equally Many males are slack on child payments. You want your former partner to look favorably on you make sure your cash goes to her to support the child that you fathered. You want equal time be sure to help buy the clothes and buy the books for school and help with birthday parties. You may think your wife is a villain but they can be worse if you don't pay your way. You want equal custody, make sure you have it from the first week If found out after eighteen months of having an Interim agreement of seeing my son one weekend a fortnight up till the time the matter came to court that a precedent had been set and the judge did not want to increase my access. They saw my child was settled in the Interim agreement and they were not willing as a court to disturb it. So if you are a male and you want to see your child three days a week, make sure you start that in the first few weeks right through to the court case and this will most likely be passed in court. I did not know this when I was divorced and I found out when it was all too late. A female lawyer won't tell you about this. Mine didn't. She advised me to do the once very two week access till court so as not to make waves. Her advice cost me dearly. Of course if you don't want to fight over your child like I suggest, this last point won't be relevant. Be blessed. Let me pray Father I pray that you might bring your peace to this person life and that they might take some of these lessons on board and have a more constructive custody arrangement. Be with them through the tears and bring good hearted people with the right advice into their life. In Jesus name I ask Amen Matthew is one of two people that operate a site at http://www.escapeministries.net Escape ministries is a place where people can be ministered to over the internet, by reading articles, watching videos and receiving personal prophetic words. James and Matthew invite you to visit today to look at some of the articles they have collected and watch some of the video teachings they are setting about to produce for you. 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